Everything is as it should be

Yesterday I got upset. Really upset. I made plans to attend a really special event out of town, and I was so excited for Max to come with me and meet some of my friends for the first time -they live in Africa, so it’s not an every day occurrence!

Then, just as I was about to finish work and head home to pack the car, I receive a text.

Turns out I’m working tomorrow.

You wanna know how to hurt my feelings? Make plans with me and then cancel at the last minute. It kills me, every single time. Even when I know it’s going to happen, I can’t avoid the disappointment and heart-sinking feeling. Every. Single. Time.

But as upset as it makes me, I know there is no one to blame. Things happen. Work happens. And the fact is, my significant other works an on-call job, so this is bound to happen anytime of the year. And yet here I am, feeling the exact same way as if it were happening for the first time.

Because there is no one to blame, I can’t help but feel like my emotions are unjustified. Why am I upset? Why can’t I accept that this is our reality, that not everything is going to go according to plan? And worst of all, why do I feel like dumping all of my anger out on the person I love the most?

Apparently, it’s a thing – getting mad at someone you care about because you can’t think rationally about what’s actually bothering you. Or you don’t want to admit it.

It’s called displaced aggression.

For the past little while, I’ve been working on being more conscious about why I feel a certain way, especially when it’s a negative feeling. I try my best to get to the root of the problem, to talk about that, to not assign blame, to listen and understand the other person’s point of view. I am continuously working on becoming the best version of myself that I can be, primarily in regards to my relationships.
I feel like there’s been definitive progress, because just a few years ago, every time I would get upset, I couldn’t figure out how to calm down, how to talk rationally, and most importantly how to fix things. I’m getting to know myself better and becoming aware of what I need/when I need it. Sometimes I need alone time. Sometimes I really need someone’s support. And sometimes the thing that I need most isn’t what my significant other needs, so there’s the whole added aspect of respecting that other people have important needs too, and sometimes those needs to be a priority even when I’m upset.

That was a hard lesson to learn.

And today, I’m reminded of all the hard work I’ve put into myself.

I just finished doing a video of Yoga with Adriene called Practice Peace. I had a hard time concentrating, and I had no cat to cuddle with as I am not home. But as the video went on, I did my best to focus on my breathe, be aware of my how my body is feeling, and respect my body’s limits. The video was almost over when I finally found myself in a good state of mind. At that precise moment, Adriene repeats the mantra of this practice.

Everything is as it should be.

Yesterday, I got upset. Really upset. But today is a new day, and I will learn and grow from every experience, and for that, I am thankful.

Big Decisions

Do you like oxymorons? Because that is exactly what the title is all about.

We’re building a tiny house. 

Can you believe it?! We are so incredibly excited!

Ok, ok. I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. This is a long and arduous project, and I know that this is just the beginning. So what better way to enjoy it than to share it with all of you!

Max and I have been talking about the idea for a long time now. I can’t even remember who brought it up first, but we both had the same vision – to live in a tiny house built to meet all our needs.

This whole project has really sparked some ideas in my mind, but most importantly, I think it gave me the motivation I needed to finally get my own website up and running! It’s still in the works, but soon enough I will start documenting every aspect of our Tiny House Project and everything it entails. I met up with the person who will be hosting and designing the website today, and I am already on the edge of my seat – too many ideas flowing through my mind, I just can’t wait to write them all down and get them published on my very own domain!

You must be wondering what kind of name we will be giving to our project. Well, let me tell you that it was quite the brain storm, but we finally agreed on something we both loved.

TINY ADVENTURES

We hope to have our website live within the next month or so, and to start working on some video content to put on youtube. We’re setting up a Facebook Page, and definitely an Instagram account too.

In regards to the physical aspect of the project, we bought a welder – yes, Max wants to build the trailer himself!! We also started talking about the specifics of the tiny house layout (model still to be made) and started looking at purchasing some land – my favourite part.

But for now, it’s still the beginning phase so I’ll leave it at that for now. If you have any interest in this project or have any questions, leave us a comment – we’d love to hear from you.

xo

Down day

Today was not a great day. Nor was yesterday, and that’s particularly disappointing because those were my two days off this week.

It’s funny how it ended up that way. I mean, it wasn’t like I had really bad days or anything, they just weren’t great. And the reason I say it’s funny is because I was actually making efforts to try to get out of the slums I ended up getting myself into. I did yoga both mornings. I spent some time with my mom – you would think that would help! I did some cleaning – purging = cleansing, but the effect was not long-lasting. I went on a date night. [Side note: HOLY SHIT THE MOVIE LOGAN IS IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE!] I intentionally did not pick up my phone nor my i-pad this morning, and instead started reading a new book. I decided to give myself a make-over. I decided to try to take it easy by spending the afternoon watching TV and playing videos games. I had a glass of wine. I had my favourite meal for supper. And still, this mood remains.

I suppose that’s just how it is sometimes. We all have good days and not so good days. We all have bad days and sad days and days when we just can’t even. All these days will pass, and something better will come along. Tomorrow is a new day, and I welcome it with open arms. As I type this message I hope my heart feels a small sense of relief, that it doesn’t have to carry the weight of all these words anymore. The feelings can hopefully dissipate into each key I press and as time goes on, it doesn’t seem so bad – not that it’s “bad.” It’s just not good.